I forgot how much I hate being on a diet.

It’s been a couple of years since I actually made an effort to diet. I’ve been trying the “exercise instead” plan. But wearing awesome boots and other fantastic high heels has kinda wrecked my hip. So very sad! I weep for the sadness of not being able to wear heels day after day. For one thing, I miss being able to reach the top shelf in my kitchen cupboard like I could when I was wearing heels every day. And I liked hugging my taller husband when I was closer to his height. And standard countertops in America are just made for women who are six inches taller than I am.

I’m convinced a little R&R for the owie hip will be what I need. A week. I’m just letting it rest for a week. And that kills the “exercise instead” plan.

Meanwhile, my father-in-law has been talking a lot about his latest diet. And with good reason. The man has lost almost 120 pounds on it. That’s amazing to me! Kudos to him. And he attributes the latest 17 pounds to this diet he made up, which he calls,

THE WHIPPED CREAM DIET.

He demonstrated it for us when we were visiting two weeks ago. In a way, it’s basically a variation on the Atkins protein diet, but in the evenings he has sugar free jello and puts as much whipped cream on it as he wants. And he used about a half a can of that squirt kind. The next morning he got up and told us he’d lost another pound, to make it 17 pounds in 7 days.

That’s a lot of pounds in seven days.

So, since I’m letting the old lady hip regenerate into a middle-aged lady hip this week, I figured, what can I do to rein in some of the wild cold cereal bingeing I’m apt to fall into, and honor my father in law at the same time? Answer: whipped cream diet. Spshhhhhhh. Can you hear the cream spraying out? Can you see the creamy, foamy goodness in your mind’s eye as it forms into perfect, star-edged mounds? Mmm.

But that’s about the only part of this diet I can look forward to.

I’m a cereal girl. Hot cereal. Cold cereal. All varieties of both. And I’m a bread girl. White, wheat, home made, store bought, bagels, English muffins, you name it. Even delicious air bread that I bought for 88 cents a loaf yesterday. It’s the best for a grilled cheese sandwich.

I could go years without whipped cream. But two days without bread or cereal is starting to make my vision blurry.

Too much meat. Chances are I’ll lose weight because the whole prospect will start to lose appeal within another day.

Or else I’ll just chug-a-lug the whipped cream.